Two friends are out having late breakfast
Characters : Tom, Emma
Emma : (eating her croissant) We have not had a decent talk in ages, since you got married in fact, So how are things? How's work? How are your children? How is your wife?
Tom : What is with all the questions Emz? How about you answer all of them and I will answer them after (cocky manner and tone). Emma this may sound random but getting married is the best thing that I have ever done, you should get a wife (laughs)
Emma : (quickly swallows the food in her mouth and drink her tea, nearly choking on her croissant) Why Tom (in a suprised and astonished tone)
Tom : Having a wife is excellent. My wife is sensitive to my sexual needs, she does all the shopping, she picks up after me, she does not complain, who would someone not want a wife (sarcastically)
Emma : (in an abrupt manner) Excuse Tom, BUT a man should contribute
Tom : fair enough, but I work all day, I pay the bills, I pay for the clothes she wears, I keep a roof over her head. (sarcastically) She owes me
Emma : TOM what century are you living in....
Tom: it is
Emma (interuppting) do not even answer that. Your children are half yours and half your wifes responsibility, you should contribute
Tom : I do, I contribute financially (takes an animalistic bite in to his croissant, getting crumbs all over his lap)
Emma : Tom seriously.... eat like an human being. And this conversation is going no-where, you are hard headed, stubborn, narrow minded, and you do not give a toss about anyones feelings but yourself (drinks her tea) (gets up)
Tom : wait.... EM.... wait.... Can we talk about it?
Emma : NO, your perspectives and my perspectives are very different, you have made your views very clear GOOD DAY Tom(leaves abruptly)
Commentry : I chose to create a very calm, cool and collective which then turns in to a tense and un easy atmosphere. The two characters have very opposing views and perspectives which makes the radio piece interesting, it also gives it a flow (it moves the narrative along). I have used stage directions so it is very how the characters are speaking, although you can not see them eating or drinking you can hear them, hence this gets the audience involved. The article is based on "Why I want a wife" by Judy Syfers, I have used similar lexis choices such as the list of routines, to add emphasis on how Tom's wife actually does for him and the family.
Radio: Different voices : sarcastic, happy, surprised, angry,
They give the audience a chance to create their own story in their heads
WWW An interesting take on the material. You have gone for the female outrage and translated the satire into something more conventional, making the woman somewhat aggressive and the man dismissive and mysoganist.
ReplyDeleteebi The recast would benefit from more play with the satirical elements as well as checking for grammatical and format errors. The commentary needs focus on the language, some address of the spoken language features evident in the way it is written and in making the connection between the lexis in what you wrote and Syfers piece you also need to explain how you have used it differently to achieve a new tone.